【Kelly the Coed 1 (1999)】

The Kelly the Coed 1 (1999)best iPhone 7 feature may be its scariest: Apple's new device is water-resistant, meaning you can take that sucker in the shower with you and scrub away at the ever-thinning line between man and machine.

I tried it and can confirm that the phone will withstand a continued stream of water. You can film footage, type a caption and upload something to Instagram while loofahing your back. I did this, felt immediately, deeply ashamed, and am now imploring you not to follow in my footsteps.

Please.

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I'm going to go ahead and say that this could be the downfall of humanity and that any thinking person has a moral obligation to keep the device far, far away from the domain of the rinse-and-repeat. (And not just because it's kind of weird to respond to work email while you're naked and exfoliating.)

You're probably familiar with the concept of "shower thoughts," the notion that revelations can and do occur in those idle moments of bathing. Research supports the idea.

"Not having an explicit task is the main ingredient for random insights," John Kounios, the director of Drexel University's Applied Cognitive and Brain Sciences program, told Wired in a 2014 interview on the subject. "Once you have a pen and paper there, it’s not really your mind wandering."

Many of us are practically cyborgs already. Notifications flit off our screens and through our brains while we text, stream and talk -- all at once.

We have precious few spaces left for idle thought. Most of us take our smartphones into bed, we stare at them at the dinner table and clutch them while walking the dog. There's nothing inherently wrong with that (smartphones are pretty great!) but I see no reason to consciously inject a device into one of the last refuges of the wandering mind.

"I'd never do that!" you might say, shortly before checking your iPhone while your mom asks you about your day.

See how that works? Have some dignity. Be a thinking human. Keep the phone away from the shower.

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