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2025-06-26 03:34:06 [Social Good] Source: Unique Information Network

Now that President Trump is classic sex moviesa reality, everyone is trying to figure out who he'll appoint to his cabinet.

Rumors are circulating around Rudy Giuliani, Chris Christie and Steve Bannon, who all helped Trump get elected, but we really won't know until Trump announces them.

SEE ALSO: You don't have to organize today. You can just grieve.

Seeing as how Trump has already appointed a climate change skeptic to lead the EPA transition, I have a few predictions for where he'll go with some of the other positions he has yet to appoint.

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Secretary of State

Prediction:Newt Gingrich wearing a Ring of Power, forged by the elven-smiths of Eregion under the order of Sauron in the Second Age of Middle Earth.

Nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power. Newt Gingrich got one and he LOVES it. Credit: getty images, warner bros.

The Secretary of State advises the president on foreign policy and negotiates treaties with foreign powers. Newt Gingrich seems like a shoo-in ever since he found that Ring of Power at the bottom of a lake this summer.

Secretary of the Treasury

Prediction:Mr. Buck Moneyman

Credit: getty images

Who better to control the IRS and print money than the man whose family money was named after, Mr. Buck Moneyman? Buck loves money, eats money, drinks gold and lives under a pile of coins in the lowest level of Fort Knox.

Secretary of Defense

Prediction: The angry guy you play pickup basketball with, just kind of shuffling from side to side with his arms spread out, along the nation's border.

Senior man in sportswear holding a basketball and looking at the camera isolated on white background Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

This guy neverphones in his defense, no matter how lighthearted the game is, so he should make a good secretary.

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Attorney General

Prediction:Rudy Giuliani, but he's gonna wear a full military general uniform because he's confused.

Credit: getty images

Secretary of the Interior

Prediction:A Westworldhorse with its intelligence bumped up to like 6 or 7.

These violent delights have violent ends. Credit: Getty Images/Science Photo Library RF

Secretary of Agriculture

Prediction:A factory chicken who's like, shockingly positive about living in a cage.

"Everything is great!" Credit: getty images

Secretary of Commerce

Prediction:Every Trump son tied together yelling as loud as they can.

Secretary of Labor

Prediction:Who was that person from the movie Holes, who made them work really hard digging holes? Did that happen in that film? They'll be the Secretary of Labor.

Secretary of Health and Human Services

Prediction:My school nurse who once gave me an Advil after I cut myself real bad in shop class.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development

Prediction:A rat who somehow has a master key to every building in the city.

Credit: mashable composite; getty images

Secretary of Transportation

Prediction:A woman stuck in standstill traffic who needed to pick her sons up from lacrosse practice 20 minutes ago so they could make it to dinner with their grandparents.

Hispanic Mature Woman Driving in the middle of the traffic screaming and bitching with her head and arm out of the car window, (this picture have been shot with a Hasselblad HD3 II 31 megapixels) Credit: Getty Images