【2023 Archives】

There's that saying "a fool023 Archivestheir money is soon parted," but I typically try not to judge people by how they spend their money. Life is short and whatever floats your boat, you know? I've spent far, far, far too much money at Buffalo Wild Wings to cast judgement.

But if you buy grody water from Disney's Splash Mountain then, pal, you are a fool. I would need you to sit down, take a long look in the mirror, and rake the depths of your soul to uncover what led you to such a dumb decision.

In case you've missed it, people are selling (what they claim is) water from Disney World's Splash Mountain, the famed ride that's getting reimagined because of its connections to the racist old movie Song of the South.The ride officially closed this week, and people began selling what they claimed was water from the log flume ride on eBay.

A Dasani bottle of "Splash Mountain water" can be yours for the low, low price of $99.99. Meanwhile, this person is trying to get over a grand for some of that "Splash Mountain water." Somebody has actually bid $13.50 on this sandwich bag of water. There are so, so, so many listings of water that may or may not be from Splash Mountain.

Never underestimate the power and strangeness of Disney Adults. It would not be shocking to find out that people are really shelling out money for this stuff. They are obsessed with the House of Mouse and will spend every last dime on it, so it doesn't seem that outrageous to imagine people buying the water from a racist amusement park ride.

Now, to be clear, there really isn't a great way of knowing where the water comes from. I could go into my kitchen, fill up a bottle with tap water and put it up for sale. Some people likely could identify the water if they could smell it, however.

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CNN pointed out that Disney people swear that water at Disney rides is just...different — that whatever chemicals the park uses to kill germs gives it a distinct, pleasant smell. I am very sorry, but that does not make it worth purchasing it online.

Anyone willing to buy that water represents all the worst parts of fandom. It's just so over the top. Yeah, fans of all kinds spend their hard-earned cash feeding their fixations and adding to their collections. Whatever makes you happy. But buying gross water from a racist theme park ride without any way to actually authenticate it? That's just a step too far up the mountain.

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